Here's the thing. I have realized that as a follower of Christ, I oftentimes wish that being obedient would be easy. I think that if I am called to something and step out in faith and obedience....then the details should fall into place. It should be easy. It should go well. I should be blessed with the ease of the process. But here's the thing....David still had to face the giant even though he had the faith to step onto the battlefield. Being obedient and leaving the tent was not enough....he still had to step into the war....still had to battle the giant....and still had to keep the faith that the Lord was behind him. I was told a couple of weeks ago by a woman I met in passing (who I liked very much, lest this sound like a judgment) that she would love to adopt if it were easier. I know where she is coming from.....I wish that it were easier. Wish it alot actually :) But the truth is that the battle for children's lives is just that....a battle. I read a quote on a friend's blog recently from "Adopted for Life" by Russell Moore. He said "Adoption is not charity, it is war". Amen. We are engaged in a battle. We are fighting a war. And as much as I wish that this were easy....as much as I wish I could sleep well....as much as I wish that my heart were not on the line....and as much as I wish less time and less energy and far fewer tears were involved in this process....that is not the way it goes.
The lives and hearts and futures of children are on the line. Living, breathing, beautiful children. And the devil wants them. He wants to win. He wants for me to roll over and decide that it is too hard. He wants for us to decide that it isn't worth it. He wants for us to question our calling because it isn't easy. And sometimes he almost wins. Almost. For we hold knowledge ....knowledge that the saints who have gone before us fought. The Bible and history books are full of stories of anguish and sacrifice coupled with faith. I have the benefit of seeing the battles fought in the past. We hold faith. Faith that we will not be abandoned. Faith that we do not fight alone. Faith that sometimes we are called to peace and sometimes we are called to do battle.
And I hear it...the voice of truth. Lyrics that resonate with me: "For the voice of truth tells me a different story. The voice of truth says do not be afraid. The voice of truth says this is for My glory." So when the devil sneaks in and says "The calling isn't true. You shouldn't have to do battle....it is too hard. His life isn't worth the fight....maybe he isn't meant to be yours"......I will tell the devil that I will fight.....and I will fight long and hard so I hope he is ready. It is my son he wants to take....and that simply is not an option.
It has been a tough week. You may have gleaned that from this post so far :) Last week I got the news that my fingerprints had been rejected by the FB!...again....for the second time. Before you can ask...no, I do not work with concrete and no, I am not 100 years old. For some reason my fingerprints just suck. So today I drove all the way to Denver to have them done for the 3rd time. The impact of this little delay on our adoption, you may ask? Nathan's fingerprints have been done for 5 weeks now and mine will be at least 1 more week if everything goes perfectly. So this has been a 6 week delay. A 6 week delay is not the end of the world....the major problem? 6 weeks most likely means the difference between a court-date in July (before courts close) and having to wait until late October (at the earliest) when courts re-open. And that, my friends, feels like an eternity when your child is living in an orphanage. On top of it, Ethiopia has announced some slow downs in the court date realm in the last 2 weeks....and we can't even get in line. I am frustrated and I am tired and I have shed alot of tears and done alot of tossing and turning. But the first 2 paragraphs of this post reflect where I have arrived. The above words describe where I have landed. We have been encouraged by sweet words from friends in the last week and they have meant so much. We will stand and we will fight.